The Secretary Will Disavow Any Knowledge

I've thought about making this a fandom secret, but, besides my utter inability to master PhotoShop, I realized...I have no shame.

( spoilers for the pilot of Glee )

For once, this is not a sixersfan problem.

Okay, so quietdiscerning is visiting and I'm showing her the movie Shelter for the first time. And we both vaguely remember that there were TWO different J2 versions of Shelter written by fandom. But we can only find one of them. So. ARE we totally tripping on kool-aid or is there really a second version, besides the one by nilsi_pilsifan?

So a little while ago, shotofjack sent me the following in an email: Brian Truitt (some cinema guy) is starting a #jonhammforcaptainamerica hash on twitter. Do you think we should start #jensenacklesforcaptainamerica on twitter?

And I think it's a GREAT idea. I love John Hamm, but the thought of Jensen in all that skintight lycra takes me to a VERY HAPPY PLACE. So what say you, fandom? Shall we take it to the streets Twitter?

#jensenacklesforcaptainamerica!

So. I do this thing where, when getting a new comment on an old story, I sometimes reread the old comments before replying to the new one. And so I was doing that and I came across this convo between me and nilchance that I'D TOTALLY FORGOTTEN ABOUT. And now, all I can think is, "DAMN. WHY DIDN'T WE WRITE THAT?"

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nilchance: I'd deeply love to see Ten, Jack and Ianto in the same room.

poisontaster: God, yes! And I think it would be good for Ianto to, to see someone who Jack will bend his neck to; to see Jack being...vulnerable to someone. Of course Ianto would be completely jealous too, but I think it would also be kind of eye opening for him.

nilchance: Well, I just went to a happy place.

poisontaster: I think that's a sign you need to write that! *waggles eyebrows*

nilchance: *raise eyebrows*

poisontaster: Oh come on...are you going to say you can't see it? With Jack dithering back and forth between the Doctor and Ianto and Ianto just being stiff and watchful and quasi jealous and the Doctor just watching the two of them until he finally figures it out and the light goes on...

And then the Doctor totally tops them both and it's AWESOME and there's sex.

nilchance: ...

Damn you. You write it. *puppy eyes*

( In which we riff and, ultimately, write nothing. )

I know that I've been in and out lately. I'm hoping to be around more, as things start to settling to something like a "normal" life around here. *snickers* But in the meantime, I have a friend who needs help.

She's looking for examples of smut in any fandom (or even original, if it's linkable) where the top is significantly shorter than the bottom. Not like little person fetish fic, but just a story where the top is actually a few to several inches shorter than the bottom. Your extensive smutty knowledge (because I know it's out there) is much appreciated in her...ahem..."research".

(no, seriously, it is actually research)

Because she's on a pretty tight deadline, would you please only drop links to online smut? She doesn't have time to order books or anything.

Help, O Mighty Flist/Circle?

1. Is anyone willing to hook up a girl with Smashing Pumpkins' Siamese Dream? I own a copy, but it's with the majority of my CDs in storage in Chicago and I'm having a 90's renaissance, musically. Also, and unrelated, can anyone hook me up with Ryan Adams' copy of Wonderwall?

2. Is there a free website service where you can plug in your relatives (and in-laws) birthdays and it'll send you email reminders or something? I could program it into my phone or something, but then when I lose the phone (and I will) or upgrade it (also equally likely) I'll lose the data or have to reprogram it all or something and what I want is something like gmail, where it's online and accessible and I don't have to worry about transferring data from machine to machine. I'm horrible with birthdays and it's only going to get worse when The Fiance's family is added to mine.

So I'm at one of the two Paneras in Frederick...and it seems to only have a single outlet. And it's taken. I have no words for how much this displeases me. I shall have to check out the other Panera and see if it's any better.

In a confluence of two different post subjects, it looks like Zoe Bell is going to be starring in a web series called Angel of Death for Sony.

And for anyone who might be interested in the other web series I mentioned, Gemini Division, you can find those episodes here. Stars Rosario Dawson with a guest appearance by Justin Hartley.

Does anyone have the song Chick Habit by April March?

Daily Count: 1,560
Weekly Count: 6,664 (I'm changing my format for this to sync up with findyourwords, which statuses on Thursdays)
YTD: 6,664

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AKB: 1,560 words. OMG, that's more like it! Finished the Kane outtake; just need to polish it up and then I'll be posting it today. The "outtake" is now as long as any of the LONG chapters of AKB. *sighs* This just highlights my inability to judge how long it's going to take me to say anything. Of course, my initial ideas about the outtake were complicated by realizing what had "canonically" happend to JDM in the same time frame as the events of the outtake. As someone who likes to mess around with this whole writing thing, I don't know if there's a greater pleasure than the random, textural seeds I've dropped in the story coming together in ecstatic serendipity into something that feels both brilliantly inspired (at least in the eye of the beholder) and bigger than myself.

I talk a lot about my stories as an observer, a recorder, a transcriptionist and that's how I think about them, a lot of the time. Something that comes to me from elsewhere and that I only have the most ephemeral of control over: the choice of a director--to pick what details I want to illuminate and which I want to push to the background, the choice where to pick up or put down, the opening and closing of scenes. So when all these small details that I'm juggling (but have "no control" over) come together...it's like finding the final clue that solves the mystery. The one thing that brings into relief all the others, taking them from being mere details to being breadcrumbs along a path. And I full on LOVE that.

I don't know if the readers ever enjoy those moments as much as the writers do, but I also don't know that it matters. La Muse has be fully collared and shackled with no hope of escaping. But when it's good, he makes it DAMN GOOD.

Anyway. Not sure what I'm going to work on today. *pokes at WIPs*

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So I'm not really in popslash fandom, but I did have a brief, intense flirtation with it and became really enamored of Rhys' work (so much so that I borrowed her Chris for a cameo in The Killing Moon). I was telling nilchance and beanside about Book of Secrets and found out that her site has been suspended. O NOES! I don't even know if she has an LJ or if her work is available anywhere else. I would hate to lost Book of Secrets or MPREG...does anyone know if her work is available elsewhere?

Happy birthday to lostakasha, whose poetry-prose always leads me to embarrassing heights of fawning and despair that I'll ever be able to do with words what she does.

*sighs* You know, as lame as I come off on this journal, there are UNTOLD DEPTHS of lameness that go on underneath it that I struggle not to tell anyone about. However, desperate times means that I have to out myself in this respect:

My chronic forgetfulness? Is chronic. And so I have a bad habit of lending things to people and forgetting that I have loaned them to you, my memory only to awaken when you are, you know, ACTUALLY HANDING MY BORROWED ITEM BACK TO ME. (Now that my secret is out, we are calling a temporary moratorium on any and all borrowing...at least long enough for y'all to forget this again, ya opportunistic bastards)

So. Imagine my surprise when I am going through my television DVDs to find a huge blank spot in between Newsradio and Numb3rs. I used to have a spreadsheet that had all my movies and televisions shows listed (to prevent just this problem; it even had a line for me to write down who'd borrowed it, on the off chance I'd loaned it out) but it apparently got lost between the Great External Crash of '07 and the Lonely, Horrible and Altogether Unkind Slaying Of PT's Laptop by Dell. I will fully confess being lame enough to go to wikipedia and google "List of TV Shows" and peruse the N's until I could figure out what was missing. And I did. Which brings me to the following (sad, lame):

SOMEONE HAS BORROWED MY NIP/TUCK DVDS AND I CANNOT REMEMBER WHO. IF YOU LOVE ME AT ALL, AND IT WAS YOU, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. And...maybe we could arrange for their return? *whimpers*

Now that I have thoroughly shamed myself, I return you to your normal flist viewing. *slinks away*

*sigh* So I'm realizing that a chunk of my problem with the state of the Criminal Minds fandom is that I feel like people are getting into the slash TOO EASILY. And. Don't get me wrong. I think that's a pervasive problem and most people want to just jump into the good parts. I seem to be the queen of orgasm denial when it comes to fanfic. But. I would really like to see some relatively long (yeah, I know, shut up) MEATY story where jumping into bed is not the default and done with not much more thought than what shoes to wear today.

These people are DAMAGED. They work in a high-stress, very small, close-knit and highly regulated environment which doubtlessly has rules about fraternization. They have social awkwardness and a fundamental inability to carry on successful relationships outside their work. They spend the majority of their time talking about murder, violence and witnessing the millions of ways that relationships (real or imagined) can go HORRIBLY, TERRIBLY wrong. They are married to the job.

So I do have a bit of a problem with Morgan and Reid (or whoever) just deciding that a) sex with each other is AWESOME and should be accomplished RIGHT NOW, b) this will not affect their relationship on the job or the tenor of the group AT ALL and c) THEY ARE TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER and ready for the full-on committment right now. (Aside: this is not a criticism of any fic in particular, just my usual kvetching about people--while writing beautifully--not writing the story I WANT THEM TO. Which is totally my first-world problem.)

I mean. Okay. My preference is for Hotch/Reid but I've got this Morgan/Reid thing kind of swirling in my head right now and I'm fairly certain it goes on the "never will get written" list: ( not exactly spoilery, but does talk about the characters & their pasts. )

Yes. THAT. That is what I want. Someone get on that, okay?

So Katee Sackhoff was on L&O (original flavor) last night and, though I have KICKED my L&O habit, I was weak and tuned in, because although I don't love Starbuck, I do kind of adore Katee. Heh. She was barely in it at all. But! I got bonus!Clancy Brown, who I actually adore MORE. So that worked out. But that's not what I want to talk about. See, here's the thing. I knew Jeremy Sisto was working on L&O and I WANTED to go back to the trough for him, but I had so many things going on in that time slot already and I just wasn't ready to pick up the rest of the L&O burden for the joys of The Sisto.

BUT. Then I got sucked in last night and OMG. I might be re-addicted. And I HATE Mary/Gary Sue characters, but Sisto's character (Cyrus Lupo--COME ON, NOW!) is kind of AWESOMELY Gary-Sue. He's rumpled and bearded and LOOMING. He worked in Intelligence before becoming a NYC cop! He speaks Chinese! He might potentially know some form of martial arts! He's in his first year of law school alongside his duties as a cop! How are my ovaries supposed to resist that kind of barrage?

*coughs* Ahem.

ION, they are apparently remaking Romancing the Stone? AND They Live? This remaking madness is reaching fever pitch, but I have to confess, I'm intrigued. We all know my sick, sick love of RTS. Between this and the remake of The Last Dragon (starring Samuel L. as Sho'Nuff, no less), I will either be dead of glee or of squick. I'll keep you apprised.

And now. I know I have some Criminal Minds fans out there. From my distant, inexperienced vantage point, it seems like Reid/Morgan is the slash pairing of choice. However. I would really REALLY like some Hotchner/Reid. I might even be willing to short-term rent some pieces of my soul for some Hotch/Reid. Can anyone help a fellow fangirl out?

Okay. So strangely enough, I have found that watching old Ugly Betty episodes is really good for writing my NaNo novel--yeah, don't ask me, I don't know either. Post apocalyptic gay werewolves = American telenovela. Go fig.

HOWEVER.

Watching Season 1 of UB has only fanned the flames of my little, baby proto-desire to see a really good writer write me the story of Daniel and Betty about ten or so years in the future. Betty has just gotten promoted to EIC of her own magazine, one not at Meade and now Daniel (who has been running Meade) is free to look at her as a peer instead of a protege or employee and realizes that Betty has become this really confident, self-aware, beautiful (and I don't mean she had a Pygmalion-esque makeover, I mean as a PERSON) person and he gets kind of smitten, but Betty's watched him through so many romantic disasters and knows all his embarassing secrets and she TOTALLY wouldn't look at him that way...and he talks himself out of saying anything, but they start spending all this time together...

And Betty really hasn't been thinking of Daniel in those terms. I don't want a Betty that's been pining after Daniel. I want a Betty who's been living and loving her life and now she's really out on her own in this new way and feeling a bit shaky about it and Daniel's being really awesome and supportive and reminding her how she got where she is all on her own. And she starts reflecting about their relationship and how much they've both changed...and maybe there's a late night panicky call that turns into dinner that turns into a couple bottles of wine and clumsy sex.

And they're both totally weirded out and there's some avoidance and then Betty's like, "This is stupid! We're totally friends, it's fine, it happened, whatever." and Daniel's all "...heh. Yeah. Friends."

And then I want the slow burn and awkwardness and Betty seeing how Daniel's changed and he's not the himbo she started out with and there's growing attraction and more awkwardness, and admissions of attraction, and dating and then I want my HEA.

Yes, it is totally sugar spun schmoop and nothing like what I normally want or like AND I DON'T CARE.

Now. Who's going to write that for me? *beams*

Okay, people. Where is the Profit/Bobbi hiding? Someone cough up the recs. I already read the one mandysbitch did not too long ago, but there's got to be more, right?

*gimme hands* GIVE ME MOAR.

Another entry in the list of Things Wot Other Folks Should Write For Me:

So shotofjack emails me and tells me (via pyroblaze18) that JDM's new movie is filming right next door to SPN's lot and that Jeff mentions getting to see the SPN folks every day for 8 months. But...you know, the writer's strike.

So I helpfully pointed out that Jared bought a HOUSE in Vancouver. AND. What I think is that someone should write me a story where Jared invites Jeff to stay with him. And Jeff demurs, "No...I don't want to impose, the studio's picking up the tab for my motel..." and Jared says, "Okay, but I'll give you free range of my kitchen and a room for your paints and stuff." And Jeff says, "....Deal."

And then it turns out that this is the SUPER SEKRIT plan of Jared and Jensen to seduce Jeff. And then THEY DO.

So if someone wants to get on that, I'd be ever so appreciative. *beamshine*

Lloyd Dobler is the awesomest awesome to ever awesome.

And I hate Diane Court with the passion of a thousand fiery supernova'd suns.

Someone write me the story where it's ten years later and Lloyd is battered but not down and Corey's gotten her shit together and she's just about to release her major label debut and they've kinda lost touch in the meantime, but they meet up for coffee and it's awkward and weird and then there's hasty, cramped WHOA hot sex in a broom closet or bathroom. And they're super awkward even afterward but they exchange numbers with these half-hearted not-really-sincere promises to call each other.

...and then some months go by and one of them calls the other one up and they get together and have more really hot but completely shamefaced sex.

And this goes on for a WHILE. Until finally one day they have to admit that this is possibly, just might be, sorta, kinda a relationship.

*sighs*

And none of you will write this for me, will you?