Last Sunday,
telesilla and I went to our favorite "special occasion" restaurant for a belated (because someone might have been at DragonCon) anniversary dinner. It's ironic in the "like people trying to keep you from having your wedding day" sense, because one year ago today, a majority of California voters decided that my marriage shouldn't be valid. This year, it happened in Maine (and you can't exactly blame the black folks for this one).
I've seen a lot of blog comments today about how it's counter-productive to say that people who vote against marriage equality are bigots. And it probably is.
But here’s the thing:
It doesn't matter.
If you vote against marriage equality, then in practical terms, it doesn’t matter to me whether you’re Fred Phelps or whether your best friend/co-worker/son/daughter/second cousin twice removed is gay. I don’t care if you’re a Catholic, Baptist, Mormon, Orthodox Jew, or Muslim. Because from where I sit, the result is the same: you believe that my relationship with the person I’ve been with for five years, the person I moved 3,000 miles to be with, the one who goes out at 3 AM to get ginger ale and crackers for me because I have stomach flu, the one who’s held my hand and been there while I’ve dealt with my mother’s dementia and Parkinson’s disease—you’re telling me that because that person is the same gender as I am, our relationship is less valid and less worthy of respect than that of a man and woman who met in Las Vegas, got drunk and decided to get married in front of an Elvis impersonator.
To me, it's irrelevant whether you did so because you believe that God ordained marriage to be between one man and one woman, or because you think the state shouldn't be involved with marriage, or because you're worried about what to tell your children, or because you think two men having sex is icky and gross. What matters to me is that you've taken a conscious, deliberate action to say that I, personally, do not deserve the same shot at being happy with the person I love that any straight person does. Your reasons for choosing to make my life more difficult and more painful are much less important to me than the fact that you've made that choice.
If you're standing on my neck, I'll worry about why you'd do something like that later. My first priority will be getting you to stop standing on my neck.