The Secretary Will Disavow Any Knowledge

Watching my lazy, long-haired cat make one of his lacksidaisical periodic attempts to groom himself is pretty hilarious.

Feeling pretty disgruntled today. No good reasons, but sometimes you don't need one. Maybe it's just because I woke up from nightmares about buying a house full of swarming earthworms. *shudders* Just a couple nights ago, I had a dream about a giant demi-god eel. Oh, yes, it's been a barrel of monkeys in my head as of late.

AKB is slowly rolling its way around to its end and, though it still occasionally gives me a panicky pang in my gut to finish something I've been working on so long (and that still has such potential), I'm feeling pretty good about it. Mostly things are falling the way I wanted them to, the way I envisioned them all this time, and that feels good. Mostly, the reactions are just what I hoped for, and that feels good too. And I've enjoyed the conversations it's inspired, the way it's made me think about what I'm doing inside and outside the story.

Appetite, on the other hand, feels like a source of such huge frustrations. My love for the story is so deep and incredible. It's been just about a year since I started writing it and it's still so incredibly present in my life. The obsession isn't quite as deep as that with AKB, but it's close.

And it's hard to say whether it's hard to find the words because I'm not as invested or whether I'm not as invested because the words are so grudging to come...but either way, the words are not coming and a month that I was theoretically supposed to be devoting to Appetite is...not working out that way.

More than that, I don't have a good feel for what's not working. I mean...a lot of times when I feel like I'm veering off course, I can take a good, hard look at it and at least come up with a hypothesis (generally correct) about what to do. And this time, I have no feel for it. It looks good on paper, it looks good to my advisory committee and the only advice that I--or anyone else--can come up with is to just keep forging forward. But that requires words. And words are what I most emphatically do not have.

But the alternative is to accept (temporary) defeat. To stop trying to squeeze these words out and move on to something else, something not so hard. And...I'm not quite ready to do that, either.

Maybe I'm just spinning wheels waiting for my yuletide assignment to magically appear in my inbox.

Fandom: CWRPS
Pairing: Jeff/Jensen; reference to Jensen/Tom Cruise
Rating: Adult
Warnings: Slavefic AU. Reference to underage, dub-con sex. Dark themes, adult concepts and language.
Disclaimer: This is in no way a true story.
Word Count: 913
AN: This is an outtake from the A Kept Boy universe; it takes place six years in the future from the end of the main arc. Written to amuse myself. Mildly spoilery. Familiarity is suggested.

---

( Don't say it's nothing. )

So. As so often occurs, while I want my text to stand on its own, I also have a lot of thought about what's happening at this moment in the story that I want to parse out and dissect, if only for my own peace of mind. Specifically, I want to talk about Robin.

( This is just so unexpected! )

Fandom: CWRPS
Pairing: Jeff/Jensen, Jared/Jensen
Rating: Adult
Warnings: Slavefic AU. Sexual, mental and physical abuse of adults and minors. Dark themes, adult concepts and language.
Disclaimer: This is in no way a true story.
Word Count: 2,644
AN: Master list of previous chapters found here. Cast of characters can be found here. Banner by the lovely and generous bloodquartz. Podfic version read by the amazing superstitiousme (found here, courtesy of the very kind general_jinjur). And don't forget the other really awesome stories to be found at whatwekeep.

---

( Sometimes there's nothing you can do. )

AKB 73: 300 words

Appetite: 259 words

Sometimes my youngest cat likes to plant herself right in front of the door of our apartment. My guess on the matter is that she thinks by doing so, she can prevent us from leaving. Which is both cute and sad.

The last few days have been bad writing days; I'm hoping this is a trend that does NOT continue. You know, I look forward so much to November--NaNo and Thanksgiving--and, at the same time, I always forget how incredibly STRESSFUL November is, invariably. Not even just with those two polestars; it's like November is some kind of freaky magnet for misfortune and frustration, the full moon month of the year.

Anyway. I don't know whether it's because I'm deliberately and consciously trying to work on more than one project at a time or a fundamental fault elsewhere, but I feel like I'm struggling with everything I write so much. The analogy I gave merepersiflage yesterday was trying to follow a bad radio signal, one that keeps fading in and out between curtains of static. There was a brief period of a few paragraphs where I had the voice for Gabe (Appetite) and it felt good and right and then it was gone again and now I can't quite get it back. I know what's supposed to be happening now, but when it comes to actually writing it out, it's an epic battle.

And I'm not really competitive in most arenas, but it's sometimes doubly hard when I'm entering word counts for mini_nanowrimo and I see that people have written 2 or 4 (or more) thousand words that day, while I was grudging out my 500. And some of it is jealousy and some of it is regret because there was a time when *I* could do that and some of it is a nagging sense of failure.

Which I AM trying not to dwell on, believe it or not.

I am starting to wonder if I'm ever going to have the time and ability to do a regular NaNo again, though, as long as I'm tied to mini_nanowrimo. It's a great idea and I very much don't want to see it fail, but it is also INCREDIBLY time-consuming (even with my co-mods taking up an incredible amount of work, omg, thank you, y'all!) and I do sometimes feel resentful that it's taking up so much of my very slender, very precious free time, when I could be using it to write myself. While my writing 'ambitions' (and I use that word laughingly) are erratic and ever-changing and don't necessarily involve publication, I am very jealous and protective of that time. Whether for fun or money, writing is such an important avocation to me. I can't and won't give it up.

AKB 73: 300 words

Appetite: 259 words

Sometimes my youngest cat likes to plant herself right in front of the door of our apartment. My guess on the matter is that she thinks by doing so, she can prevent us from leaving. Which is both cute and sad.

The last few days have been bad writing days; I'm hoping this is a trend that does NOT continue. You know, I look forward so much to November--NaNo and Thanksgiving--and, at the same time, I always forget how incredibly STRESSFUL November is, invariably. Not even just with those two polestars; it's like November is some kind of freaky magnet for misfortune and frustration, the full moon month of the year.

Anyway. I don't know whether it's because I'm deliberately and consciously trying to work on more than one project at a time or a fundamental fault elsewhere, but I feel like I'm struggling with everything I write so much. The analogy I gave merepersiflage yesterday was trying to follow a bad radio signal, one that keeps fading in and out between curtains of static. There was a brief period of a few paragraphs where I had the voice for Gabe (Appetite) and it felt good and right and then it was gone again and now I can't quite get it back. I know what's supposed to be happening now, but when it comes to actually writing it out, it's an epic battle.

And I'm not really competitive in most arenas, but it's sometimes doubly hard when I'm entering word counts for mini_nanowrimo and I see that people have written 2 or 4 (or more) thousand words that day, while I was grudging out my 500. And some of it is jealousy and some of it is regret because there was a time when *I* could do that and some of it is a nagging sense of failure.

Which I AM trying not to dwell on, believe it or not.

I am starting to wonder if I'm ever going to have the time and ability to do a regular NaNo again, though, as long as I'm tied to mini_nanowrimo. It's a great idea and I very much don't want to see it fail, but it is also INCREDIBLY time-consuming (even with my co-mods taking up an incredible amount of work, omg, thank you, y'all!) and I do sometimes feel resentful that it's taking up so much of my very slender, very precious free time, when I could be using it to write myself. While my writing 'ambitions' (and I use that word laughingly) are erratic and ever-changing and don't necessarily involve publication, I am very jealous and protective of that time. Whether for fun or money, writing is such an important avocation to me. I can't and won't give it up.

All my mini_nanowrimo peeps; please note that there's an important announcement on the comm. Anyone who has forgotten to post on a given day so far has a ONE TIME chance to recoup. If you would, spread the word.

Yesterday was a bad day and a bad day for writing. I made my word count, but I've been trying to do double or triple that every day and yesterday I wasn't even close.

On the other hand, the words I wrote were on Appetite, which pleases me. I don't want to let AKB stagnate all month (and there's no worry about that) but Appetite is really my focus. Or I would prefer it was my focus. I've been flitting between three different projects, really.

Started AKB 73 today. Writing for four year olds is HARD, yo.

I'm struggling with Appetite. I'm making new words, I don't hate the words I'm making (for the most part) but at the same time, I feel like I've lost some essential grasp of their characters that I had before and I feel like I lost the window into their world and I'm pressed against the wrong side of the glass, trying to peek through.

I'm doing this thing with my body right now where I feel like I don't know how to fit in it any more. I feel uncomfortable in whatever position I sit in and it's like I don't have any muscle memory for what my body "normally" likes to do, so I'm trying to fake it, but it's not working. It's really messing up my back and my neck and shoulders. And writing Appetite right now is a little like that. I'm HERE and I'm in the body, but I don't remember how it's supposed to move or sit or anything. There's no muscle memory.

...I suspect that made no sense to anyone but me. What can I say? I've had a rough week.

All my mini_nanowrimo peeps; please note that there's an important announcement on the comm. Anyone who has forgotten to post on a given day so far has a ONE TIME chance to recoup. If you would, spread the word.

Yesterday was a bad day and a bad day for writing. I made my word count, but I've been trying to do double or triple that every day and yesterday I wasn't even close.

On the other hand, the words I wrote were on Appetite, which pleases me. I don't want to let AKB stagnate all month (and there's no worry about that) but Appetite is really my focus. Or I would prefer it was my focus. I've been flitting between three different projects, really.

Started AKB 73 today. Writing for four year olds is HARD, yo.

I'm struggling with Appetite. I'm making new words, I don't hate the words I'm making (for the most part) but at the same time, I feel like I've lost some essential grasp of their characters that I had before and I feel like I lost the window into their world and I'm pressed against the wrong side of the glass, trying to peek through.

I'm doing this thing with my body right now where I feel like I don't know how to fit in it any more. I feel uncomfortable in whatever position I sit in and it's like I don't have any muscle memory for what my body "normally" likes to do, so I'm trying to fake it, but it's not working. It's really messing up my back and my neck and shoulders. And writing Appetite right now is a little like that. I'm HERE and I'm in the body, but I don't remember how it's supposed to move or sit or anything. There's no muscle memory.

...I suspect that made no sense to anyone but me. What can I say? I've had a rough week.

I need a distraction to keep myself from going postal. All help is appreciated.

To that end, TWO memes (take your pick):

Pick a paragraph (or any passage less than 500 words) from any fanfic I've written, and comment to this post with that selection. I will then give you a DVD commentary on that snippet: what I was thinking when I wrote it, why I wrote it in the first place, what's going on in the character's heads, why I chose certain words, what this moment means in the context of the rest of the fic, lots of awful puns, and anything else that you'd expect to find on a DVD commentary track.

You can find all my fic on my LJ/IJ/DW under the "fanfic" tag, or tag for a specific fandom, OR you can go to my archive page: Love Is Just A Bloodsport OR

Ask me either a broad [writing-related] question (i.e 'who is your cruelest character?', 'what is your most optimistic story?') or a specific question/request ('what world does ___ come from?', 'tell me about ___') and I will answer you. Or you can ask meta- questions like 'what was the inspiration for creating ____?'

Pretty much ask me anything about my fic and I'll ramble at you a bit.

I made pot roast last night. I'm picking at the carcass today. You know you have made some damn fine beef if it tastes just as good COLD the next day. NOM NOM NOM.

Well, I did it. I signed up for yuletide. And though I was tempted to sign up for more fandoms and more characters (and there was some last minute switching around), I stuck to my plan. So that happened.

I had another woeful moment today when I saw an advert for a holiday exchange ficathon for a fandom that I'm tangentially interested in and realized that my pairing of choice is so wacky that it seems unfair to ask anyone to write it and, simultaenously, I have nearly zero interest in writing the preferred pairing(s) in the fandom. This pairing rare-pairs crap is hard, yo! Most of the time I don't care so much because I'm writing whatever makes me happy and so it doesn't matter what anyone else ships, but when I want to be all join-y and stuff, it's vexing. My heyoka nature in a nutshell. But, one less ficathon to tear my hair out about, right?

Tangential to THAT, I feel like there's enough interest that I'm going to go ahead with the JDM ficathon. I don't have any more details than "Yeah, let's do that!" but I figure I have all of December, at least, to figure that out. So...more news when I have it!

As you can see, I finished the AKB chapter. Wrote 1400+ words on that, once I hit my groove, which was kind of awesome. The problem with writing in existing files is that I never have any good grasp of how much I've written until I finish and do the math.

Didn't work on anything else, for obvious reasons. And I have yet to do any writing today, which is making me feel like the biggest slacker in the world. I'll have to rectify that posthaste.

I made pot roast last night. I'm picking at the carcass today. You know you have made some damn fine beef if it tastes just as good COLD the next day. NOM NOM NOM.

Well, I did it. I signed up for yuletide. And though I was tempted to sign up for more fandoms and more characters (and there was some last minute switching around), I stuck to my plan. So that happened.

I had another woeful moment today when I saw an advert for a holiday exchange ficathon for a fandom that I'm tangentially interested in and realized that my pairing of choice is so wacky that it seems unfair to ask anyone to write it and, simultaenously, I have nearly zero interest in writing the preferred pairing(s) in the fandom. This pairing rare-pairs crap is hard, yo! Most of the time I don't care so much because I'm writing whatever makes me happy and so it doesn't matter what anyone else ships, but when I want to be all join-y and stuff, it's vexing. My heyoka nature in a nutshell. But, one less ficathon to tear my hair out about, right?

Tangential to THAT, I feel like there's enough interest that I'm going to go ahead with the JDM ficathon. I don't have any more details than "Yeah, let's do that!" but I figure I have all of December, at least, to figure that out. So...more news when I have it!

As you can see, I finished the AKB chapter. Wrote 1400+ words on that, once I hit my groove, which was kind of awesome. The problem with writing in existing files is that I never have any good grasp of how much I've written until I finish and do the math.

Didn't work on anything else, for obvious reasons. And I have yet to do any writing today, which is making me feel like the biggest slacker in the world. I'll have to rectify that posthaste.

Fandom: CWRPS
Pairing: Jeff/Jensen, Jared/Jensen
Rating: Adult
Warnings: Slavefic AU. Sexual, mental and physical abuse of adults and minors. Dark themes, adult concepts and language.
Disclaimer: This is in no way a true story.
Word Count: 3,125
AN: Master list of previous chapters found here. Cast of characters can be found here. Banner by the lovely and generous bloodquartz. Podfic version read by the amazing superstitiousme (found here, courtesy of the very kind general_jinjur). And don't forget the other really awesome stories to be found at whatwekeep.

---

( I don't know how many more shocks I can take today. )

So, sometimes I go and read my "stories no one will write for me" tag, to amuse (or inspire) myself with the things I've come up with. And I didn't even remember this one, but it caught my eye today:

Okay, so I don't know about this one, it's PURE CRACK. But. I want someone (not me!) to write the To Wong Foo-esque story where Steve Carlson and Chris Kane are the diva drag queens that take little Jensen Ackles under their wing and try to teach him to be fabulous. Steve could be Patrick Swayze's Vida and Chris could be Wesley Snipes' Noxeema. And Jared could be Bobby-Ray, the straight boy that falls in love with Chi-Chi Jensen. And either Chad or Rosenbaum could be Sheriff Dollard, haunted by the touch of Miss Vida's junk.

Except that, in keeping with my shifting interests, instead of Jared, I kind of want to make it Jeff, a grizzled widower who falls for the hopelessly crushing Jensen. Which would nicely combine with my desperate yearning for Drag-Torch-Singer!Jensen and Jeff, should I ever find the time and inclination to actually write this.

Still: happy place. *hums*

---

Trine snippet: 263 words
Trine is a story that I've wanted to write for a while and I have yet to figure out how to make all the pieces work. It came from a dream and making the logic work has proved surprisingly difficult. The basic premise is a married couple separately fall in love with the same guy (who reciprocates both their feelings) and, when they find out about each other's crush, they decide to try and make it work as a threesome. The snippet I wrote doesn't actually involve ANY of the main plotline; it was something atmospheric that had been plucking at my attention, but I'm not happy with how the snippet turned out. I may give it another try today. Still, I wrote it, the words exist. I didn't delete it all in a fit of pique. So that counts.

AKB 72: 707 words.
Well, for all my brow clutching about which scene would be next, one scene came to the front and has basically demanded to be told. I think I'm still going to write the other scene, but I've been waiting for this chapter for a LONG TIME NOW and I'm glad to finally be writing it, even if I'm not sure I'm hitting all the mood/atmosphere notes I want.

Nothing on Appetite, which is mildly vexing, but it was still on my mind for much of the day, even if I didn't put down the verbiage. I think I'm in a prewriting mode with that, trying to mentally feel out the scene before I put fingers to keyboard. Yesterday was a difficult day. A lot of RL stress on pretty much all fronts. I'm both pleased and surprised at how much writing I managed to get done, for all of that.

I'm not heavily into black teas other than chai anymore, but I have an ongoing fondness for Bigelow's Constant Comment, especially in the fall. I've looked at other orange pekoe teas and I've yet to find one that smells or tastes so sweetly delicious. I've been known to just sit and smell the teabags a while before steeping them, because I love the smell that much. *sips*

I've been extended on the job again, pretty much through the end of November. I'm choosing to take the high road with it--more money, staying close to my pals, knowing where I'll be at Thanksgiving--but I confess to a certain ongoing amusement that I've tried to quit this job twice and yet they still WILL NOT LET ME GO. I also sing Hotel California a lot.

Last night, The Husband and I got to see Cate Blanchett in Streetcar Named Desire, the combination of two of my favorite things. I don't even know what to say about it. Other than the ache in my knees that is the punishment for being tall and going to the theater, it was an absolutely perfect evening. It was one of those times when you forget where you are and you forget that you're watching something and you forget that these people are only pretending and you get entirely swept up in story. I'm no conoisseur by any means, but I am an avid fan of theater and to be able to see a favorite play put on live AND to be able to see a favorite actor perform it (AND to be there with The Husband, who'd never seen ANY version of Streetcar and didn't even know what it was about...)... It was magical. Absolutely magical. If all the performances weren't sold out, I would've absolutely gone again, later in the run. *sighs*

( On the writing front )

So I think I've decided that I'm NOT going to do prettylightsfic because while I think I could write RPF in other fandoms than SPN, I don't know those fandoms or actors as "intimately" as I know the SPN ones and I know me. I'll end up doing all this research to try and get it "right" and I just don't feel like investing that kind of work in fandoms I'm not nearly as interested in. And I just feel guilty only offering SPN fandom. Besides, 99% of the fandom is J2 and while I CAN write it, and I enjoy reading it, writing it doesn't turn my crank the way it used to. So why set myself up to write something I won't really enjoy?

OTOH, I'm wondering if there's enough of us, yet, who might be interested in a JDM ficathon. Not NOW, obviously; I'd probably want to wait until all the winter fests are past, but... Yeah. A JDM-centric ficathon. Het, slash...hell, I'd even take JDM gen. Just JDM and SOMEBODY. A human shaped person. Anybody maybe interested in that? Sometime in January, maybe?

I'm not heavily into black teas other than chai anymore, but I have an ongoing fondness for Bigelow's Constant Comment, especially in the fall. I've looked at other orange pekoe teas and I've yet to find one that smells or tastes so sweetly delicious. I've been known to just sit and smell the teabags a while before steeping them, because I love the smell that much. *sips*

I've been extended on the job again, pretty much through the end of November. I'm choosing to take the high road with it--more money, staying close to my pals, knowing where I'll be at Thanksgiving--but I confess to a certain ongoing amusement that I've tried to quit this job twice and yet they still WILL NOT LET ME GO. I also sing Hotel California a lot.

Last night, The Husband and I got to see Cate Blanchett in Streetcar Named Desire, the combination of two of my favorite things. I don't even know what to say about it. Other than the ache in my knees that is the punishment for being tall and going to the theater, it was an absolutely perfect evening. It was one of those times when you forget where you are and you forget that you're watching something and you forget that these people are only pretending and you get entirely swept up in story. I'm no conoisseur by any means, but I am an avid fan of theater and to be able to see a favorite play put on live AND to be able to see a favorite actor perform it (AND to be there with The Husband, who'd never seen ANY version of Streetcar and didn't even know what it was about...)... It was magical. Absolutely magical. If all the performances weren't sold out, I would've absolutely gone again, later in the run. *sighs*

( On the writing front )

So I think I've decided that I'm NOT going to do prettylightsfic because while I think I could write RPF in other fandoms than SPN, I don't know those fandoms or actors as "intimately" as I know the SPN ones and I know me. I'll end up doing all this research to try and get it "right" and I just don't feel like investing that kind of work in fandoms I'm not nearly as interested in. And I just feel guilty only offering SPN fandom. Besides, 99% of the fandom is J2 and while I CAN write it, and I enjoy reading it, writing it doesn't turn my crank the way it used to. So why set myself up to write something I won't really enjoy?

OTOH, I'm wondering if there's enough of us, yet, who might be interested in a JDM ficathon. Not NOW, obviously; I'd probably want to wait until all the winter fests are past, but... Yeah. A JDM-centric ficathon. Het, slash...hell, I'd even take JDM gen. Just JDM and SOMEBODY. A human shaped person. Anybody maybe interested in that? Sometime in January, maybe?

I have a very specific way that I lose track of time. I obsessively count down minutes until about five minutes until my deadline. Then I blank out and don't regain any consciousness of "Hey, weren't you waiting for something?" until about 6-10 minutes after my deadline. It's kind of amazing. *sighs*

It's not everything, but it's a lot: How Defying Gravity Would Have Progressed, Straight From the Creator. It's not quite a Firefly hurt, that DG didn't make it, but it's pretty close. It's rare that I take such deep pleasure in a show, so quickly...but it's usually a pretty good sign that the show is DOOMED. I'm like TVphoid Mary.

I'm too tired to do either of these stories justice, but.

I had the great privilege of beta-reading darkrosetiger & telesilla's More Than One Answer; an AU of their Keptverse AU. As much as I love Question of Compromise (and it's attendant stories), I have to confess I've been wanting them to write this AU since nearly the start, give Dylan and Joe their chance to get it right, just once. Misc. Actor RPF: Dylan Neal/Joe Flanigan, Dylan Neal/Chris Pine, Dylan Neal/Joe Flanigan/Chris Pine. Slight familiarity is recommended, but it stands pretty well alone. (Link leads to Dreamwidth) ♥

I have yet to even comment on this story, but reading it was a great pleasure and I feel like I'd be terribly remiss if I didn't recommend Shameless by helen78. It's 98K+, and I read it over the weekend. If that's not a sterling recommendation, I don't know what is. Also Misc. Actor RPF with many pairings, so I'm just going to name off the main players and you can go see all the permutations: Christian Bale, Sean Bean, William Fichtner; minor roles by Viggo Mortensen (who kind of became my favorite, omg), David Wenham, Karl Urban and Wentworth Miller. Slave fic, BDSM fic, with an interesting take on the slave angle and some truly awesome kink. I really want everyone to read this just so I have people to talk about it with; it hits some really great narrative kinks right along with the kink kink. (Link goes to Dreamwidth)

Only a few hours left to sign up for mini_nanowrimo, if you're going to do it.

I've got 1400+ new words on Appetite in the last couple days. Nothing new on AKB yet, but it's in there, percolating. Definitely leaning toward yuletide (down to 11 fandoms; one was disqualified!) and considering prettylights, though I don't know if they'll be able to find me someone willing to write JDM. We are a mighty minority. *muses*

Okay. Losing functionality. Off to bed!

I have a very specific way that I lose track of time. I obsessively count down minutes until about five minutes until my deadline. Then I blank out and don't regain any consciousness of "Hey, weren't you waiting for something?" until about 6-10 minutes after my deadline. It's kind of amazing. *sighs*

It's not everything, but it's a lot: How Defying Gravity Would Have Progressed, Straight From the Creator. It's not quite a Firefly hurt, that DG didn't make it, but it's pretty close. It's rare that I take such deep pleasure in a show, so quickly...but it's usually a pretty good sign that the show is DOOMED. I'm like TVphoid Mary.

I'm too tired to do either of these stories justice, but.

I had the great privilege of beta-reading darkrosetiger & telesilla's More Than One Answer; an AU of their Keptverse AU. As much as I love Question of Compromise (and it's attendant stories), I have to confess I've been wanting them to write this AU since nearly the start, give Dylan and Joe their chance to get it right, just once. Misc. Actor RPF: Dylan Neal/Joe Flanigan, Dylan Neal/Chris Pine, Dylan Neal/Joe Flanigan/Chris Pine. Slight familiarity is recommended, but it stands pretty well alone. (Link leads to Dreamwidth) ♥

I have yet to even comment on this story, but reading it was a great pleasure and I feel like I'd be terribly remiss if I didn't recommend Shameless by helen78. It's 98K+, and I read it over the weekend. If that's not a sterling recommendation, I don't know what is. Also Misc. Actor RPF with many pairings, so I'm just going to name off the main players and you can go see all the permutations: Christian Bale, Sean Bean, William Fichtner; minor roles by Viggo Mortensen (who kind of became my favorite, omg), David Wenham, Karl Urban and Wentworth Miller. Slave fic, BDSM fic, with an interesting take on the slave angle and some truly awesome kink. I really want everyone to read this just so I have people to talk about it with; it hits some really great narrative kinks right along with the kink kink. (Link goes to Dreamwidth)

Only a few hours left to sign up for mini_nanowrimo, if you're going to do it.

I've got 1400+ new words on Appetite in the last couple days. Nothing new on AKB yet, but it's in there, percolating. Definitely leaning toward yuletide (down to 11 fandoms; one was disqualified!) and considering prettylights, though I don't know if they'll be able to find me someone willing to write JDM. We are a mighty minority. *muses*

Okay. Losing functionality. Off to bed!

Fandom: CWRPS
Pairing: Jeff/Jensen, Jared/Jensen
Rating: Adult
Warnings: Slavefic AU. Sexual, mental and physical abuse of adults and minors. Dark themes, adult concepts and language.
Disclaimer: This is in no way a true story.
Word Count: 2,800
AN: Master list of previous chapters found here. Cast of characters can be found here. Banner by the lovely and generous bloodquartz. Podfic version read by the amazing superstitiousme (found here, courtesy of the very kind general_jinjur). And don't forget the other really awesome stories to be found at whatwekeep.

---

( You need to feel something for them and you need to call what you feel love because you're too scared to hate them. )

Flipping through the Yuletide fandom nominations and I came across RPF-Curb Your Enthusiasm. Um. Isn't Curb pretty much RPF already??

Also, The Sims? Really? I mean...okay, I LOVE my Sims. I really do. But I'm a little puzzled how that would work as SOMEONE ELSE writing a Sims story for me or what shape that would take. I suppose it's limited to the prefab characters, like the Brokes or the Goths, etc. I don't expect much of anyone would be interested in my story about how Jimmy Phoenix stalked and won the adopted son of Jensen and Jared, though. At least before I change all the names. :)

I'm still on the fence about whether I want to do Yuletide or not, though I think I pinpointed my problem from last year. I think that last year, I volunteered for a lot of fandoms because I'm familiar enough with them that I think I COULD write fic and I don't think I spent nearly enough time considering whether I want to write or receive fic from that fandom. Which is one of those things that seems so simple and obvious in retrospect, but I have a bad habit of wanting to be able to write all things for all people, whether it's something I'll actually enjoy or even want to do, or not.

IF I sign up for Yuletide this year, I'm definitely going to be really, incredibly restrictive about what fandoms I sign up for.

Another thing that I don't think enough about, imo, is what fandoms I really WANT/NEED stories from. There are a lot of media that I'm fannish about in the sense that it excites me and I love it...but that I don't feel any particular need to find or write fanfic about it. The media itself is enough. So I also need to think about that, rather than just, "Ooh! That movie/show/book is SHINY!"

Which is much more difficult than it sounds.

Anyway, I've got it down to a maximum of 12 fandoms and I'll probably cut it even more from there. If I decide to sign up. *headdesks*

AKB 71: 1083 words. So I wrapped up what I wanted to do with the chapter less than a thousand words in. I wanted to stretch it, but they were not cooperative. Quelle surprise Which left me at a bit of an impasse, but I think I can see my way through it. It's actually an opportunity to write something that I've been wanting to include for a while now. So there's that.

I think I've probably only written another sentence on Appetite, which is discouraging but not unexpected. Is it stage fright? They're more than willing to talk to me when I'm nowhere near the computer, but as soon as I open the file, they clam up. So typical. As of November 1, however, I have no more excuses. 500 words a day, hell or high water.

I wrote a few hundred words of incredibly indulgent AKB road trip fic. Friday was aggravating in a number of ways and I needed something that decadently indulgent. Didn't get very far, though, but I'm sure I'll go back to it. It amuses me too much not to and I'm sure nilchance & beanside will enable, as they always do.

So, that happened.

Flipping through the Yuletide fandom nominations and I came across RPF-Curb Your Enthusiasm. Um. Isn't Curb pretty much RPF already??

Also, The Sims? Really? I mean...okay, I LOVE my Sims. I really do. But I'm a little puzzled how that would work as SOMEONE ELSE writing a Sims story for me or what shape that would take. I suppose it's limited to the prefab characters, like the Brokes or the Goths, etc. I don't expect much of anyone would be interested in my story about how Jimmy Phoenix stalked and won the adopted son of Jensen and Jared, though. At least before I change all the names. :)

I'm still on the fence about whether I want to do Yuletide or not, though I think I pinpointed my problem from last year. I think that last year, I volunteered for a lot of fandoms because I'm familiar enough with them that I think I COULD write fic and I don't think I spent nearly enough time considering whether I want to write or receive fic from that fandom. Which is one of those things that seems so simple and obvious in retrospect, but I have a bad habit of wanting to be able to write all things for all people, whether it's something I'll actually enjoy or even want to do, or not.

IF I sign up for Yuletide this year, I'm definitely going to be really, incredibly restrictive about what fandoms I sign up for.

Another thing that I don't think enough about, imo, is what fandoms I really WANT/NEED stories from. There are a lot of media that I'm fannish about in the sense that it excites me and I love it...but that I don't feel any particular need to find or write fanfic about it. The media itself is enough. So I also need to think about that, rather than just, "Ooh! That movie/show/book is SHINY!"

Which is much more difficult than it sounds.

Anyway, I've got it down to a maximum of 12 fandoms and I'll probably cut it even more from there. If I decide to sign up. *headdesks*

AKB 71: 1083 words. So I wrapped up what I wanted to do with the chapter less than a thousand words in. I wanted to stretch it, but they were not cooperative. Quelle surprise Which left me at a bit of an impasse, but I think I can see my way through it. It's actually an opportunity to write something that I've been wanting to include for a while now. So there's that.

I think I've probably only written another sentence on Appetite, which is discouraging but not unexpected. Is it stage fright? They're more than willing to talk to me when I'm nowhere near the computer, but as soon as I open the file, they clam up. So typical. As of November 1, however, I have no more excuses. 500 words a day, hell or high water.

I wrote a few hundred words of incredibly indulgent AKB road trip fic. Friday was aggravating in a number of ways and I needed something that decadently indulgent. Didn't get very far, though, but I'm sure I'll go back to it. It amuses me too much not to and I'm sure nilchance & beanside will enable, as they always do.

So, that happened.